To Supreme Court Justices

Today the Supreme Court came to a decision on the recent Arizona immigration law. A lot of the law was struck down, but some of the major aspects of the law were not. I found this very frustrating. I can't understand why we, as a nation, feel like we should keep people from neighboring countries out of this one. Then go a step further and find people that are here "illegally" and deport them. Are they really so threatening seeing as their time is spent hiding from the government and paying taxes they will never benefit from? Would it be better if they just came in offering gifts of blankets laced with small pox? Is that the American dream they should aspire to?

Prose

For the last week I have lived in a house made of fantasy.

The only issue is the demolition crew outside. Free time a wrecking ball. And thought has been the force driving this ball through my home.

But I rebuilt. Laying bricks made of video games and twilight zone episodes, I rebuilt.

But Wednesday was too strong and Thursday i re-read the note.

To Dave Chappelle

Today, after getting off of an 8 hour work shift, I heard the rumor that you would be performing in Houston tonight. I was in a state of pure disbelief. I repeatedly said to my friend ,"What?! No! Really?!" But then I heard about what happened in Austin. Again, I was in a state of disbelief. Once I got home, I began trying to find out if what he said was true. I called the Improv, but they informed me it wasn't true. So I began reading the internet trying to find out what happened in Austin. I found an article written for Austin 360 and it made sense. People, not understanding that you are a person who is also, probably, my favorite comedian and someone who should have complete attention, instead of a character from television to be interacted with like a character at a theme park. I'm sorry that you were treated so poorly and I wish I could have had the chance to see you. Maybe next time.

Cooomedy

So I have started doing comedy at this place called Wall Street Cafe on Saturdays, but every time I go there, I feel like I'm entering Ave L or like some quilting group just got done using the space. Then comedians, comedienne and "comedians" take the stage an talk about toilet babies, abortion, and how combining hopeless romantics with being an a$$hole is possible through the power of roofies. I am pretty sure I have already told one of the three readers of this blog about this strange phenomenon, so this is mostly for Lauren.

Also, here's a joke that's in the works:
As children, my brother and I were really into super soakers and we were building this small arsenal of water guns, but each year they would make larger and larger guns until eventually, they were making bigger ad bigger water guns that seemed to have been made to fight the civil rights movement. Like, "New from the people who brought you Super Soakers like (Possible water gun names: Hydro-hatred, Premature Ej-aqua-laser, H2Opacalype) comes the Rights Abolisher.

Post, For Donnie

Well, nothing new. Ummmmm. I'm supposed to appear on this local comedy radio show on the 22nd, but I may have to work that night. I don't remember what the show is called. It is a two hour show about comedy with interviews with local comedians and clips from comedians who actually get paid to do comedy.

Here it is:
http://www.ashevillefm.org/your-only-option

Anywhozit, I've come up with a new premise to a joke, but haven't felt the need to put in the work for it yet. It takes place at the Tony's, on the red carpet, a television personality is interviewing people on the red carpet. She goes up to Leatherface and says, "Who are YOU wearing?" ZINGER!!!!!!!!

The highlight of my stand-up "career"

the old opposable thumb bit

Those vitamins are really movin' now!!!

Well, I was going to try and save this for the good ol' stand up act, but here it goes. So in the past month, I have come to realize that I take even more after my father than I first thought. Along with his concave chest and extremely hairy legs, I also have a digestive tract incapable of conquering such feats as dense fiber, which gives me terrible flatulence, and most recently, a daily multivitamin. I had had an upset stomach many times after taking my vitamin, but just decided that all I really needed to do was eat more breakfast before the vitamin, and somehow, that would make me feel less queasy afterward. Boy was I mistaken! The day of my misfortune, I had eaten a few bowls of cereal, along with about a half a cup of trail mix. I was driving home from the library while also making a phone call to inquire about a job. I quickly hung up the phone as I steered my truck behind the local BP station. I then proceeded to vomit into my free hand which sprayed chunks of granola and goji berry all over myself and my car like my hand was a child's water sprinkler toy. Being behind a gas station, I thought, "Hey, I can just walk in there and grab some napkins. Clean this whole mess up." It wasn't until I saw the homeless man sitting in front of the gas station, smiling and nodding in acceptance, that I realized I was walking into a gas station during regular business hours covered in vomit. I began to have second thoughts, but at that point, I couldn't let that bum down. I walked in and as everybody's eyes met mine, they were immediately turned back, straight ahead. I grabbed my napkins and walked out, but once I got outside, as if the napkins had somehow changed me, the homeless man outside now too looked away in disgust.