To Dave Chappelle

Today, after getting off of an 8 hour work shift, I heard the rumor that you would be performing in Houston tonight. I was in a state of pure disbelief. I repeatedly said to my friend ,"What?! No! Really?!" But then I heard about what happened in Austin. Again, I was in a state of disbelief. Once I got home, I began trying to find out if what he said was true. I called the Improv, but they informed me it wasn't true. So I began reading the internet trying to find out what happened in Austin. I found an article written for Austin 360 and it made sense. People, not understanding that you are a person who is also, probably, my favorite comedian and someone who should have complete attention, instead of a character from television to be interacted with like a character at a theme park. I'm sorry that you were treated so poorly and I wish I could have had the chance to see you. Maybe next time.

Cooomedy

So I have started doing comedy at this place called Wall Street Cafe on Saturdays, but every time I go there, I feel like I'm entering Ave L or like some quilting group just got done using the space. Then comedians, comedienne and "comedians" take the stage an talk about toilet babies, abortion, and how combining hopeless romantics with being an a$$hole is possible through the power of roofies. I am pretty sure I have already told one of the three readers of this blog about this strange phenomenon, so this is mostly for Lauren.

Also, here's a joke that's in the works:
As children, my brother and I were really into super soakers and we were building this small arsenal of water guns, but each year they would make larger and larger guns until eventually, they were making bigger ad bigger water guns that seemed to have been made to fight the civil rights movement. Like, "New from the people who brought you Super Soakers like (Possible water gun names: Hydro-hatred, Premature Ej-aqua-laser, H2Opacalype) comes the Rights Abolisher.

Post, For Donnie

Well, nothing new. Ummmmm. I'm supposed to appear on this local comedy radio show on the 22nd, but I may have to work that night. I don't remember what the show is called. It is a two hour show about comedy with interviews with local comedians and clips from comedians who actually get paid to do comedy.

Here it is:
http://www.ashevillefm.org/your-only-option

Anywhozit, I've come up with a new premise to a joke, but haven't felt the need to put in the work for it yet. It takes place at the Tony's, on the red carpet, a television personality is interviewing people on the red carpet. She goes up to Leatherface and says, "Who are YOU wearing?" ZINGER!!!!!!!!

The highlight of my stand-up "career"

the old opposable thumb bit

Those vitamins are really movin' now!!!

Well, I was going to try and save this for the good ol' stand up act, but here it goes. So in the past month, I have come to realize that I take even more after my father than I first thought. Along with his concave chest and extremely hairy legs, I also have a digestive tract incapable of conquering such feats as dense fiber, which gives me terrible flatulence, and most recently, a daily multivitamin. I had had an upset stomach many times after taking my vitamin, but just decided that all I really needed to do was eat more breakfast before the vitamin, and somehow, that would make me feel less queasy afterward. Boy was I mistaken! The day of my misfortune, I had eaten a few bowls of cereal, along with about a half a cup of trail mix. I was driving home from the library while also making a phone call to inquire about a job. I quickly hung up the phone as I steered my truck behind the local BP station. I then proceeded to vomit into my free hand which sprayed chunks of granola and goji berry all over myself and my car like my hand was a child's water sprinkler toy. Being behind a gas station, I thought, "Hey, I can just walk in there and grab some napkins. Clean this whole mess up." It wasn't until I saw the homeless man sitting in front of the gas station, smiling and nodding in acceptance, that I realized I was walking into a gas station during regular business hours covered in vomit. I began to have second thoughts, but at that point, I couldn't let that bum down. I walked in and as everybody's eyes met mine, they were immediately turned back, straight ahead. I grabbed my napkins and walked out, but once I got outside, as if the napkins had somehow changed me, the homeless man outside now too looked away in disgust.

Viral Videos

I'm sorry, I don't get it. Parrot's that curse and little boys who can dance like Michael Jackson, okay okay, I get it. Men crying, people getting hit in the balls, and all the AFV rejects are lost on me. I'm sorry world.

So I realize I haven't really posted anything notable for a while. Time for updates. I have recently gotten really into cycling and all the stupid stuff that goes along with it including stupid cycling caps, shopping for the perfect headlight, and finding out which water bottles can give me cancer.
The other day some friends and I went on what was supposed to be a 15 mile ride, but what ended up being a ride of various lengths for almost everyone involved. My ride ended up being 10 miles long. I haven't pushed myself physically that hard since Alex was training to get into the marines.

I am glad he's back in the states.

One of the friends, with whom I cycled, is someone I just recently met, but had sort of wanted to be friends with for a while. His name is KC or Casey, I'm not really sure how to spell it, and he is into cycling as well. He is also into somewhat similar music as Chase and I.


So now Chase, KC or Casey and myself are in a band with the working name KC and the Avenues.

That part about KC/Casey and the band seems kind of pointless and make me feel like I'm a schoolgirl writing in her journal.

To wrap up, I have been thinking about making this journal a more regular thing and using it, for the most part, to tell hilarious anecdotes about my working life.
'Till next time.